Insecurity or Body Shame
If you’re not feeling good about your body, drop a pinch of salt into your left pocket and head deep into the woods. When you find an open area, clasp your hands behind your back and recite the incantation “Vanitus Maxmilius” three times. A cloaked sorcerer will appear before you. Ask him to create an enchanted mirror for you, because honey, no one wants to hear about how you have weird knees or your hair is too thin or you don’t like how your hips look in a pencil skirt. When you share your insecurities with other people, it makes them feel bad, worse than you feel when you look at your pores. If for some reason you’re unable to let your self-doubt fester inside you, a magic mirror is the way to go.
Frustration or Anxiety
You don’t need to vocalize how happy you are. As a woman, it’s generally assumed you’re happy at all times because you do happy lady things like water the plants, pick out birthday cards, and fix boo-boos. If you think you have something to celebrate, you should first check with 3-5 other people (including one person of the opposite sex, one person related to you, and one person at least 5 years your senior) to confirm that your happiness is legitimate. Once you’ve determined that your elation is deserved, feel free to give yourself a dignified pat on the back. Do not squeal under any circumstance–that’s so annoying.
Did someone let you down? Did you get some bad news? These things happen. All you need to do is go to the craft store and buy a few dozen miniature glass bottles. When you get home, build yourself a nice set of floor-to-ceiling shelves. Every time you’re disappointed about something, scribble it down on a piece of paper of put it into one of the bottles, seal it forever, and add it to your wall of disappointments. Your expectations really make people squirm, and no one likes seeing you upset, but luckily these inanimate objects will be there for you in your time of need.
Whether you’re overwhelmed, hurt, annoyed, or confused, instead of attempting to puzzle thorough why you feel the way you do with your delicate lady brain, confide in someone else better suited to fix your problems. Before you protest, remember that everyone is an expert on your feelings except you. Just tell someone else what’s going on – preferably someone very far removed from the situation who doesn’t have any first-hand knowledge of what you’re going through – and see what they have to say about it. In fact, go outside right now and wait around until a stranger walking a pug comes along and get their insight.